Added: Tenley Colter - Date: 04.07.2021 05:31 - Views: 18861 - Clicks: 3303
But one of the biggest reasons why so many of our long-term relationships fall apart may be surprisingly simple. For context, let me first tell you a bit about When long term relationships end. John Gottman - a prominent psychologist and an expert in relationships and marriage stability. In the s, Dr. Gottman began conducting a of longitudinal studies of couples. Now, many of us have been in long-term relationships that crept south at one point or another.
Sometimes these partnerships met their end at the hands of a single catastrophic event, and sometimes they seemed to unravel more gradually, becoming less and less happy over time. In reflecting on one of my own past relationships, as it neared its end, I distinctly recall feeling like the of negative interactions that my partner and I had just kept piling higher. It got to the point where it seemed like we were constantly at odds with one another - caught in a negative cycle of interaction. And that dynamic, not surprisingly, made us both very unhappy. However, while that may have been an accurate characterization of my own partnership, researchers who have studied relationships at length have found that a different dynamic is frequently at play in these sorts of situations.
And that most often decreases over time. Rather, it just feels as if we do because the of positive interactions that we have with our partners naturally tends to drop. But if you want to save your long-term relationship from gradual decline, doing so will necessitate some action and intention on your part. Think of your relationship as akin to a bank. Over the course of the relationship, you gradually learn how to take withdrawals from the in order to meet your needs. You ask your partner to do things for you.
You count on them to support you or help you in certain circumstances. You learn how to take. And it becomes easier to take the more often you engage in that behavior. You develop habits around the act so that, over time, you tend to find yourself making more and more of these withdrawals. Eventually, inevitably, your slips into the red.
It gets overdrawn. And your relationship suffers. Really anything that instigates more positive interactions between you and your partner. To paraphrase Leo Buscaglia, we too often underestimate how much power can be contained in a simple touch, a kind word, a smile, an honest compliment, a listening ear, or even the smallest act of caring -- all of which have the potential to turn a partnership around.
In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take. Learn how to invest in your relationship. Practice doing so regularly. If you need to, go ahead and set reminders for yourself to say something complimentary to your partner, or do something kind for them on a regular basis. Encourage your partner to try to do the same for you.
Recognize that you will need to make ongoing deposits of love, caring, and kindness into your relationship to keep it healthy and happy over time. What might deposits entail? Acts of love or kindness. Moment of shared joy or laughter. Kim West May 1, loverelationshipslife lessonsself-improvementeadvice Comment. Kim West May 15, self-improvement, personal When long term relationships end, personal growth, life lessons, advice. Kim West April 15, self-improvement, self-awareness, personal growth, life lessons, mindfulness.When long term relationships end
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The Surprisingly Simple Reason Why So Many Long-Term Relationships End