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There's no getting around it: Breakups are terrible, even if they're handled with compassion. They can shake you to your very foundations, causing you to question your confidence AND your faith in love itself. If you've been broken up with, you're grappling with the very real pain of rejection on top of mourning a lost love.
When you're the one who chose to end thingsthere's often guilt swirled into your sadness. Even in the most amicable, mutual situations, a split is an ending—and in a culture that emphasizes "forever" as a relationship goal, we're made to feel like an ending is a failure. In reality, breakups are often the shattering preamble to a new-and-improved life one that can eventually include a relationship with someone you're more compatible with. But in those first few brutal days and weeks, you've got every right to feel inconsolable.
In time, though, you can move onward and upward. Here's a few ways to start feeling better fast. No matter the circumstances of your split, your feelings are valid and processing them is a journey in itself. They are a friend, a lover, a confidante and maybe a housemate," says Charly Lester, dating expert and CMO of Lumena dating app for people over Tess Brigham, a therapist and life coach based in California, agrees.
Maybe the two of you said that you'd stay friends. A post-breakup friendship may well happen in time, but "time" is the key word here. Very few exes make a seamless transition into friendship immediately and if you think you've done it, see what happens when one of you starts dating someone new.
It'll help you avoid the dreaded drunk-dial, and eliminate the impulse to send ill-advised texts. Whether you're scrolling through old photos of happier times or hitting refresh on your ex's profile to analyze every update, Facebook and Instagram can be pure poison for the brokenhearted. No matter what an ego-wounded ex may tell you, it's not unkind to unfollow them; feel free to block them in the name of mental health.
You can also choose to "snooze" a Facebook friend for 30 days by clicking on the three dots in the right-hand corner of a status update, so they won't appear in your feed for a month you'll still need the willpower to avoid checking their profile, though. Are you What to do right after a break up a theme here? Distance is tough, but crucial. Moving logistics and figuring out shared dog-custody is one thing; calling or dropping by to get that one sweatshirt you "need" is another.
Book a dinner date with your best friend—and if it turns into an hours-long hang, all the better. If you're the type to neglect non-romantic relationships when you're in love, come armed with an apology and the intention to never do that again. You might throw your energy into forging new friendshipstoo.
Before you dash off those invites, remember to strictly stick to buddies who make you feel like the best version of yourself, instead of those who don't. Your heart is like a wounded baby animal right now, What to do right after a break up it needs to be pampered! Music has a powerful effect on mood, which is why the breakup mix is a key part of your post-parting toolkit. When you find yourself adrift in a churning sea of emotion while driving to work or rage-cleaning your apartment, let the breakup playlist be your constant.
As for what to put on your mix? That's intensely personal. According to a studylistening to sad music is a source of comfort for some, while it makes others feel worse. If you know from past experience that moody songs will soothe you, go for it. Otherwise, you'll want to step away from that Adele album, pronto.
Consider energizing talk-to-the-hand jams that make you feel Remember how Indian food used to be your favorite, but your ex nixed that takeout option every time? Order curry tonight, and enjoy the taste of sweet freedom. Is there a better and more affordable form of escapism than an absorbing read? Put one in your tote and head to the park or a coffee shop—it'll get you out of the house, and you never know who you'll strike up a conversation with about the -turner in your hands. Need recommendations? Start with 13 books that'll help you heal after a breakupor make your way through every Oprah's Book Club pick ever.
Exercise helps your body get a shot of mood-lifting endorphins and serotonin you can listen to that breakup playlist while you work out! And if you've never had a fitness regimen before now, that's okay: A recent study suggests that starting today can still yield major benefits, including a lower risk of heart disease, type 2 diabetes, and early death. Besides, it's difficult, if not impossible, to weep your way through an entire Zumba class. Enter a new hepace by exploring a new location. It doesn't need to be a lavish, Eat, Pray, Love -style solo trip, either: Start by switching up your route home, or check out a restaurant the two of you never went to.
Or, at least wait a second before getting bangs for the first time in your adult life. Same goes for quitting your job, getting that tattoo that seemed brilliant last night, and all other major life changes. According to Lester, it's best to write these urges down and revisit them a few weeks later. That said, "going in circles and feeling angry and resentful isn't going to help you learn about yourself and what you want in a relationship.
It's going to keep you stuck in the problems of the past. Try to accept that the relationship ended for a reason, and focus on picturing what you'd like to give and receive with your next partner, instead. Meditation and therapy are two ways to let go of anger about the ways you were wronged and definitely skip bringing the topic up on future dates.
And speaking of dates If you do find yourself ranting about your last relationship while on a Tinder datethat's a clear that you need more time, Lester says. It isn't that there's no such thing as closure. It's that too many phone calls, DMs, and "one last talk" coffee shop meetups are committed in the name of achieving it, when all you're actually doing is reopening a wound.
True closure only comes with time. Lester breaks it down like this: "In my experience, there are two scenarios. You either get enough time and emotional distance to be able to look back and appreciate why it didn't work, or you end up with an 'eclipse effect. Letting go of the bitterness will help you find that friendship with an ex eventually, if you both want it. More importantly, it will help you move forward. Your Best Life. Type keyword s to search. Allow yourself time to grieve. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.
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