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Gilber is an expert in personal development and the creator of the online course 'Simple Living Hacks' Read full profile. We grow through our relationship with the world and others. In short, relationships shape us big time. They are a central aspect of our life whether we admit it or not. Relationships are also an enormous source of strength, as they support us emotionally and give us a sense of belonging, love and appreciation.
It is equally true, however, that relationships can be hard to balance and maintain in healthy shape. This is mostly because they can be complex, largely depending on the emotions, needs, intentions, likes and dislikes of the other person we hold a relationship with. Some relationships can grow fragile and difficult over time. Not surprisingly many people give up on their relationship when the road becomes too difficult to thread.
What these people fail to recognise however, is that there are some fundamental things they are doing that have made that relationship difficult in the first place. These are crucial mistakes we are all subject to overlook even though they are quite basic. Here I have listed the five most common things people do that make their relationship difficult:. This is what keeps most relationships from growing harmoniously and in balance.
People have a long list of expectations of how the other person should behave or respond to their actions, demands and ideas in a given situation. They create a mental model in their head of an ideal their partner needs to follow in order to be in line with their own beliefs and inner desires. When these expectations are not met, conflict arises based on disappointment, grief or frustration.
The more expectations one has about the other person, the more chances there are of having those expectations unmet. Dissatisfaction builds up the more they see that the other person deviates away from their own expectations. Sometimes unmet expectations can be shocking or result in anger and resentment. How could you? People who are in some of the longest, happiest and healthiest relationships will all admit this little secret: They have very little expectations of the other.
They trust, forgive and appreciate the fact that the other person has his or her own individuality, weaknesses and idiosyncrasies. They expect less, meaning they are Should relationships be hard open to the other person and the relationship as a whole. Also, and equally important, they have less expectations of the relationship itself. They do not have fixed ideas of how the relationship should be or where it should take them. The live it on a day to day basis. When people are frustrated because their expectations of the other fail to be matched, they externalise that frustration out to the other.
They falsely identify that the cause of their resentment, grief or frustration is the action or behaviour of the other. This is in simple words blaming the other and finding fault outside of their selves. Blaming makes relationships difficult in two major ways. It also sends out a clear message of lack of trust in the person and the relationship itself. It creates tension and friction which might turn that relationship in a downward path.
The second reason Should relationships be hard that it blinds them from tracing part of the fault back to themselves as we shall see in the last point. They fail to see that their own action is always part of the equation. This is one of the hardest things to see in any relationship. Some people live their relationship in their head instead of their heart. They overanalyse and think too much about how things are going or what they should be doing Should relationships be hard. They break down their relationship into parts and try to see those parts separately — communication, caring, sex, appearance, parenthood, of common goals, etc.
The danger with rationalising too much is that it forms expectations and as we saw, expectations create difficulty. More importantly overanalysing pushes people away from allowing the relationship to flow naturally and spontaneously — an important ingredient for growing healthy relationships. It blocks them from responding to the other from their heart because they are filtering their interactions with the other person through the rationalisation of their mind.
Some people tend to judge too quickly even when it is uncalled for. Even with the best of intentions, judging someone is the fastest and most effective way of creating difficulty in any relationship. On many levels, judging is always erroneous. First of all, you can never make a correct judgment about somebody no matter on the circumstances, the information you think you have at hand and how far off the mark you believe the other person is.
The truth is that the feelings and thoughts you might have about someone are always partial at best. Through judging, people send out a clear message of distrust to the other person. It is like voting down the value they give to the other in a very formal and concrete way.
This shapes or distorts how both parties will view each other and themselves through that relationship in future interactions. All the other things mentioned above that make relationships difficult are born out from one fundamental lack of understanding. In very simple words, it takes two to tango! Relationships are in a constant feedback loop. Failing to understand this can create all sorts of trouble.
Keeping always in mind that relationships are in a Should relationships be hard loop can help us open our eyes to avoid all the other things that make a relationship difficult. This creates more objectivity and balance which in turn helps in avoiding passing judgment or blame too quickly. Secondly and more importantly, with this knowledge of feedback loops in mind we can use it positively to our advantage. People in healthy relationship understand these dynamics very well.
For example, in the argument scenario, when the other person is mad at you because of something, you can hold back from reacting even if you feel you are wrongly accused. This will close the feedback loop in a positive way and soften things up. Soon the other person will find no solid grip for his or her negative emotions and your calmness and openness to the situation will be reflected back by the other and so on until eventually things equilibrate back into perfect balance. Featured photo credit: Ryan McGuire via pixabay. Gilber is an expert in personal development and the creator of the online course 'Simple Living Hacks'.
Peak-Performance Leadership Consultant Read full profile. We have two ears and one mouth for a reason—effective communication is dependent on using them in proportion, and this involves having good listening skills. If anything, Zoom meetings, conference calls, and the continuous time spent behind a screen have created a higher level of expectations for meeting etiquette and communication. And this goes further than simply muting your microphone during a meeting.
Effective workplace communication has been a topic of discussion for decades, yet, it is rarely addressed or implemented due to a lack of awareness and personal ownership by all parties. It starts with intentional listening and being present. There are stark differences between listening and hearing. Listening involves intention, focused effort, and concentration, whereas hearing simply involves low-level awareness that someone else is speaking. Listening is a voluntary activity that allows one to be present and in the moment while hearing is passive and effortless.
Which one would you prefer your colleagues to implement during your company-wide presentation? Listening can be one of the most powerful tools in your communication arsenal because one must listen to understand the message being told to them. As a result of this deeper understanding, communication can be streamlined because there is a higher level of comprehension that will facilitate practical follow-up questions, conversations, and problem-solving. Your brain is constantly scanning your environment for threats, opportunities, and situations to advance your ability to promote your survival.
And yet, while we are long past the days of worrying about being eaten by wildlife, the neurocircuitry responsible for these mechanisms is still hard-wired into our psychology and neural processing. A classic example of this is the formation of memories.
Case in point: where were you on June 3rd, ? But for those of you who remember where you were on June 3rd,this date probably holds some sort of ificance to you. Maybe it was a birthday or an anniversary. Perhaps it was the day your child was born. It could have even been a day where you lost someone special in your life.
Regardless of the circumstance, the brain is highly stimulated through emotion and engagement, which is why memories are usually stored in these situations. Utilizing these hard-wired primitive pathways of survival to optimize your communication in the workplace is a no-brainer—literally and figuratively. Intentional focus and concentrated efforts will pay off in the long run because you will retain more information and have an easier time recalling it down the road, making you look like a superstar in front of your colleagues and co-workers.
Time to kiss those note-taking days away! While we typically associate communication with words and verbal affirmations, communication can come in all shapes and forms. In the Zoom meeting era we live in, it has become far more challenging to utilize and understand these other forms of language. And this is because they are typically easier to see when we are sitting face to face with the person we speak to. Body language can play a ificant role in how our words and communication are interpreted, especially when there is a disconnection involved.
Our brain immediately starts to search for more information and inevitably prompts us to follow up with questions that will provide greater clarity to the situation at hand. And in all reality, not saying something might be just as important as actually saying something. These commonly overlooked non-verbal communication choices can provide a plethora of information about the intentions, emotions, and motivations. We do this unconsciously, and it happens with every confrontation, conversation, and interaction we engage in.
The magic lies in the utilization and active interpretation of these als to improve your listening skills and your communication skills. Our brains were deed for interpreting our world, which is why we are so good at recognizing subtle nuances and underlying disconnect within our casual encounters. So, when we begin to notice conflicting messages between verbal and non-verbal communication, our brain takes us down a path of troubleshooting. Which messages are consistent with this theme over time? How should I interpret their words and body language?
Suppose we want to break things down even further. In that case, one must understand that body language is usually a subconscious event, meaning that we rarely think about our body language. Actively interpreting body language can provide you with an edge in your communication skills. It can also be used as a tool to connect with the individual you are speaking to. This process is triggered via the activation of specific brain regions through the stimulation of specialized neurons called mirror neurons.
They also allow the person watching an action to become more efficient at physically executing the action, creating changes in the brain, and altering the overall structure of the brain to enhance output for that chosen activity. Listening with intention can make you understand your colleague, and when paired together with mirroring body language, you Should relationships be hard make your colleague feel like you two are alike. This simple trick can facilitate a greater bond of understanding and communication within all aspects of the conversation.
Distractions are a surefire way to ensure a lack of understanding or interpretation of a conversation, which in turn, will create inefficiencies and a poor foundation for communication. This should come as no surprise, especially in this day in age where people are constantly distracted by social media, text messaging, and endlessly checking their s. They use up coveted brainpower and central processes that secondarily delay our ability to get back on track. Gloria Mark, a researcher at UC Irvine, discovered that it takes an average of 23 minutes and 15 seconds for our brains to reach their peak state of focus after an interruption.
Meetings should implement a no-phone policy, video conference calls should be set on their own browser with no other tabs open, and all updates, notifications, and prompt should be immediately turned off, if possible, to eliminate all distractions during Should relationships be hard meeting. These are just a few examples of how we can optimize our environment to facilitate the highest levels of communication within the workplace. Knowledge can only take us so far, but once again, knowing something is very different than putting it into action.
Just like riding a bike, the more often you do it, the easier it becomes. Master communicators are phenomenal listeners, which allows them to be effective communicators in the workplace and in life. If you genuinely want to own your communication, you must implement this information today and learn how to improve your listening skills. Featured photo credit: Mailchimp via unsplash.
Communication Relationships Advertising. Gilbert Ross Gilber is an expert in personal development and the creator of the online course 'Simple Living Hacks' Read full profile. Share Pin it Tweet Share. Here I have listed the five most common things people do that make their relationship difficult: They have expectations: This is what keeps most relationships from growing harmoniously and in balance. More by this author Gilbert Ross Gilber is an expert in personal development and the creator of the online course 'Simple Living Hacks'. Read Next. Communication Advertising.
NCBI: Body language in the brain: constructing meaning from expressive movement.Should relationships be hard
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