Added: Colleen Utter - Date: 29.01.2022 10:08 - Views: 19137 - Clicks: 2966
It was not an easy transition: I am very lonely in my marriage felt rejected by my family, and I became depressed. And in that emotional state, I began to isolate myself from Erin and our children. She had every reason to feel alone. Marriage can be a lonely place. Even married couples can live in the same house, share the same meals, sleep in the same bed and still feel isolated. No one imagines a lonely marriage when picking out a wedding dress or planning a honeymoon.
Paradoxically, this sort of loneliness can feel even more painful because you have someone. Physically, your spouse is there. But emotionally, he or she is not. The resulting loneliness and alienation can feel too strong to bear. Instead of having a relationship that feeds you, you wind up starving. Erin grew weary of asking for more time and attention.
She was tired of the loneliness. At some point, exhausted people may start fantasizing about what it would be like with someone else. And just like that, the marriage is in crisis. I want to give you a few tips that can help your marriage experience the togetherness that God intended. The obvious way to combat loneliness is to spend quality time together. Real change happens when you deal with the underlying issues first. I became defensive and withdrew even more because I felt like a failure.
Before I could reconnect with Erin, I had to grapple with a difficult question: What was driving my withdrawal and isolation? I had to deal with my own junk. It could be one of any of things. You could be fiercely independent, pride yourself on your self-reliance and never really learn to work as part of a team. Maybe you came from a broken home and never saw a good marriage in action. Or the dynamics of your marriage may make it difficult to connect: Maybe you feel unsafe in your relationship because of the level of conflict and disapproval or even abuse.
Secrets can be an incredible burden on relationships, too. When someone is involved in infidelity or pornography, close connection can feel like a threat to those dark secrets. Or, as in my case, it could be the result of stress and big changes at home or work. Times of transition can drive wedges between you and your spouse. Eventually I started seeing a Christian counselor. He told me that men often react to stress just as I had — by becoming more withdrawn. We also explored the pain of rejection I was suffering. Putting a name to your emotions is powerful.
This journey took some time, and God used it to change my life and marriage. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. The depression that was causing me to withdraw from Erin began to heal. As that healing process ran its course, Erin and I also worked on our marriage. Our first step was creating a change of attitude: We reminded each other that we were part of the same team. Erin is not my adversary.
We began to do things together. Sure, some of our togetherness revolved around the serious issues we were facing, and rightly so. But looking back, some of the most important moments of healing came in our not -so-serious moments. We reinstated our weekly date night and made a I am very lonely in my marriage not to discuss my family, our finances or the kids on those evenings.
It was all about having fun. We found a bunch of conversation starters for couples and took turns asking each other questions wherever we were — during dinner, on a walk, in the car — anywhere we could find 10 minutes to talk. We went to bed at the same time, and we prayed together before falling asleep. We prioritized sex. We started even doing chores together: making the bed, cooking meals, cleaning the cars. Later, I even learned to chip in and wash the dishes.
And as we went through these weeks and months discovering how compatible we were, we developed a shared vision for our life together. And through that rediscovery, we found positions at John Brown University that allowed us to teach together and speak into the lives of students. It took work and time for us to reconnect. But eventually we overcame the loneliness.
Greg Smalley is vice president of Marriage and Family Formation at Focus on the Family and the author or co-author of several books. How strong is your marriage? Find out today with the Focus on Marriage Assessment. Greg and Erin Smalley. Take this free assessment now. Greg Smalley serves as the vice president of Marriage at Focus on the Family. In this role, he develops and oversees initiatives that prepare individuals for marriage, strengthen and nurture existing marriages and help couples in marital crises. We need refreshment — physical, mental, spiritual and emotional.
We need to pause, check-in with ourselves and our spouse to make sure we take time to restore and replenish our whole being. By sharing your struggles and triumphs, God can transform your courage into hope and faith for others! See Life Double your gift now! Yes, I will help save babies from abortion! Have Focus on the Family resources helped you or your family? Share your story and inspire others today! By Greg Smalley May 30, Share on facebook. Share on twitter. Share on pinterest.
Share on print. Share on. Maybe you never learned teamwork. Maybe you came from a broken home. Or the dynamics of your marriage may make it difficult to connect. Whatever the reason, loneliness in marriage can be overcome. Step 1: Deal with the underlying issues The obvious way to combat loneliness is to spend quality time together.
What about you? What is your disconnection about? Step 2: Embrace togetherness As that healing process ran its course, Erin and I also worked on our marriage. Do you and your spouse view money differently? Up. Your Teen Needs You Most of All No parent of teens is perfect and even the best can learn how to better connect with their son or daughter. up to get your series!
Marriage can be Tough. Remarriage can be Even Tougher. Spouses may come to a new marriage with emotional baggage. Relationships with children change, and the stepparent-stepchild relationship adds another dynamic.
Both families may have different traditions and ways of doing life. And there are new in-laws added to the mix. author and family therapist Ron Deal as he shares practical guidance for families coming together and thriving under one roof. up today. There Is Still Hope for Your Marriage You may feel that there is no hope for your marriage and the hurt is too deep to restore the relationship and love that you once had.
The truth is, your life and marriage can be better and stronger than it was before. You can restore and rebuild your marriage through a personalized, faith-based, intimate program called, Hope Restored.
Get Started. What does it mean to cherish your spouse? Couples who cherish each other understand that God created everyone different, and as a result they treasure the unique characteristics in their spouse. We want to help you do just that. Focus on the Family has created a free five-part video course called "Cherish Your Spouse. Have you ever asked that question?I am very lonely in my marriage
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Feeling lonely in your relationship