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You may be surprised to know that two of the three are under your control. Your reaction to the truth. Think about the last time your partner lied to you. How would you have reacted if they had told you the truth? Try to be absolutely honest with yourself. Would you have reacted angrily, maybe even yelling or starting a fight?
Suppose your partner wants to tell the truth but knows from your past reactions that you will probably:. By lying to you, your partner can:. Now you can see why lying may be the more attractive option for your partner. The good news is that you can do something about this by changing your reaction to the truth, even when the truth might leave you feeling disappointed or angry. Begin by letting your partner know that, regardless of the situation, you would always prefer to know the truth. Then, when your partner tells you the truth, respond to it instead of reacting emotionally. Calm down and think about the situation.
Thank your partner for being brave enough to tell you the truth. Then begin talking about your feelings in a way that is not hurtful or offensive, so your partner can truly listen and understand your point of view.
Your reaction to the lie. Think about the last time you realized your partner had lied to you.
How did you react? Negative reactions like criticism, contempt, sarcasm, or aggression can make your partner more likely to hide the truth. Eventually your partner might put more effort into hiding their lies than in improving the relationship, causing the relationship to end or in many cases to become much more negative. Remember that you can change how you respond when you discover a lie. Calm down, think, and then deal with the situation. Try to forgive them and leave the lie in the past.
Do not remind your partner about past lies every time you are in an argument. A qualified therapist can help you find ways to change your responses and better communicate with your partner. In therapy, your partner can work on assertiveness skills and learn to deal with the discomfort of potential conflict or disagreements.
Remember, if your partner lies to you, focus first on the factors you have control over: your reaction to the truth and your reaction to the lie. Taking the time to calm down and respond thoughtfully instead of reacting emotionally can encourage your partner to be more truthful with you. The guidance of a skilled therapist can often be extremely valuable in helping partners communicate more effectively and honestly. Facebook Instagram.
By lying to you, your partner can: a avoid a fight; b buy time to figure out how to explain things so that you will listen; c avoid your criticism, sarcasm, or contempt; or d keep you from leaving, and thus calm their fear of losing you. to schedule an appointment by callingHow to get over lies in a relationship
email: [email protected] - phone:(887) 896-8544 x 2038
Why We Lie and How to Get Back to the Truth