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Posted May 24, Reviewed by Lybi Ma. When a relationship ends, everybody hurts. It may be impossible to get through a breakup without hurting your partner, but there are a few clear choices you can make to mitigate this pain. First, when contemplating a breakup, one needs to recognize that an effective end to the relationship is not the only thing at stake.
So although everyone gets hurt when a relationship dies, your intention in taking steps to end it should be to minimize the damage caused by the crash. You may not feel supported by friends or family as you carry out the breakup, either: Typically, the dump-ee retains the sympathy of the social group, while the person ending the relationship is seen as needing less support.
You can expect to feel guilt in the period leading up to the breakup and afterward. Lastly, you will probably go through your own very necessary feelings of grief over the end of the relationship, and it can be difficult to process this sense of loss while simultaneously blaming yourself.
When all is said and done, though, when you need to break up, there are certain guidelines to follow to minimize pain on both sides. Putting off the inevitable will only cause the relationship to decline further. Break up in person. Breakups by text may be common these days, but they hurt terribly and leave confusion in their wake. Be honest about your feelings. Be clear and certain about your reasons for breaking up.
Avoid vagueness. Show your partner the respect inherent in closure. Take responsibility for your decision.
Listen to the other person, without defending yourself. Hear your partner out. Answer any questions as honestly as you can. Break off the relationship cleanly.
It may feel like a way to cushion the blow, but it actually causes uncertainty and runs the risk of generating more hurt feelings. The goal is to allow your partner to look back on the relationship as a good thing, not to change it into something less well-defined. It will only confuse the issue for both of you. By following these guidelines, you stand a good chance of putting a clear and respectful end to a relationship in a way that will allow each of you, someday, to look back with appreciation on the time you spent together. Fox, P. How to break up with a really nice guy.
HuffPost, Jun 18, Sanz, A. What are the psychological effects of breaking up with someone? Quora, July 21, Svoboda, E. The Thoroughly Modern Guide to Breakups. Psychology today, January 1, Loren Soeiro, Ph. References Fox, P. About the Author.
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How to End a Relationship the Right Way